Happy Sunday peeps, well or happy day if you’re not reading this on a Sunday…a grey and rainy Sunday to be precisely. I just saw that it even snowed in some parts of Germany. Oh man I need a one way ticket to Bali please!
I haven’t done this on my Blog before. The articles were more like detailed descriptions naming health benefits of the food or the ingredients I used or it was just me chatting a little bit to amuse you guys and I know most people only care about the recipe itself anyway but well some also like to read more personal stuff.
So in case you just want the recipe, scroll down 🙂
If you’re following me on Instagram what I bet you’re doing when you’re reading this you’re probably used already to me dealing with the topic of my childhood. I am thinking so much about my past especially now that the weather has gotten colder. You can’t go out that much and the plain nature in a way makes you more thoughtful.
I know that my childhood is the reason for most of my insecurities and struggles in my grown up life today and I know that it is for most of us. Because as a child we simply imitate and believe what our parents and other authorities or even peers tell, teach and in general transfer us. This is not about accusing someone. This is about getting aware of what happened to me being a young girl and how it shaped me subconsciously for my whole further life.
I always get to two main issues. The one and probably quite common situation is me not being allowed to play with the other children. It was this best friend of mine and her cousin sometimes came for visits and I don’t know why but when she was there they did not want me to be arround. My best friend was like my sister. We lived next to each other and spent literally every day playing, making plans how to build our own three house, digging our own pounds covered with plastic trash bags that of course always leaked …poor fish. So when she dropped me I felt lost and lonely and NOT GOOD ENOUGH. Absolutely silly but I am sure this experience was one of the first circumstances in my life that made me feel insecure and let me question my own greatness.
Moreover it was the situation of my parents. Subconsciously I recognized very early that something wasn’t perfect and their underlying troubles accumulated to a point on which my mum decided to leave. The last few weeks after she told him were my personal hell. My dad moved to our granny flat. I faced that everything suddenly was broken but the worst part he told me in tears that I had to make my mother stay. That he hadn’t wanted to do anything wrong and that he needed us…puhhh that’s quite tough for a 13 year old girl. Not accusing you daddy but this was such an emotional claim of you. How could I say no if staying with you in my family home was exactly what I wanted to do but if this was simply no alternative anymore because my mother had suffered for too long. Your marriage was broken a long time ago and I never liked that of course but I accepted it…. I won’t tell you now how we moved out and left the place I loved and how horrible this divorcement was FOR ALL OF US. Maybe that’s subject of another blogpost on another day 🙂
On thoughtful days like this I enjoy baking some deliciously smelling cakes or cookies even more. Just like we did with our parents or grandparents when we were little. Baking is almost always connected to childhood memories for me but in a good way. It was a time out. You felt completely protected and loved by your family members and you carry these memories with you till today…you live of the positive memories just as you can be limited by the difficult and underling thought patterns.
I believe that we have to choose which memories we allow to define us, who we are and how we feel, what we think of ourselves and other and which imprints we let go once and for all. But to make this decision we first have to uncover hidden injuries to accept them and finally say goodbye for good.
150g wholegrain spelt flour
150g spelt flour (type 630)
1/2 tsp soda
1 tsp apple cider vinegar (to activate the soda)
1,5 tsp baking soda
5 tbsp cinnamon
80g ground hazelnuts (you can use almonds)*
200 ml oat milk
1,5 tbsp melted coconut oil
200g sweet apple sauce (I used banana quince by Alnatura because it’s more sweet and I wanted to avoid any added sugar in this recipe. Use a mixture with banana or mango e.g. or just add some optional sweetener**)
*I thought about replacing the ground nuts by almond or peanut flour but I guess the cake will be less soft and moist if you use the “fatfree” version.
** I like it when my baked goods aren’t that sweet and for me it’s totally fine to work with the fruit sugar only but of course you can add erythritol, xylitol, coconut sugar, flav drops or whatever you prefer
- Cut apples into small pieces. Meanwhile preheat your oven to 180 degrees
- Mix dry ingredients: flour, spices, soda and ground nuts
- Separately mix wet ingredients: milk, apple sauce, cider vinegar
- Now mix dry and wet ingredients and add the melted coconut oil. Immediately stir so that the oil doesn’t separate and get hard again
- Knead till everything is well combined. Then mix in your apple pieces.
- Grease your baking tin with a little bit of coconut oil and fill in the dough
- Bake for 50 minutes at 180 degrees.
Now I would love to hear if you enjoy reading more personal stories and thoughts of mine here on my blog or if I should strictly separate them like in a “personal section” in my menu or just continue misusing instagram for spamming you with this 😀
Anyway I hope you enjoyed reading this or at least will fall for this apple cake just as I did. It was eaten up within less than 24 hours. I think it tastes best when it’s still a bit warm 😉
Please use the hastag #julisnomnoms and tag me @clean_body_in the picture if you try one of my recipes. I would love to see your recreations! ❤
Lots of love,